dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize