My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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