i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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