you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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