All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
3 2 1 whiskey
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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