I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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