no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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