I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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