It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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