Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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