it wasn't lemon gatorade
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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