foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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