I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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