i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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