Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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