Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
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If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
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i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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