it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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