that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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