So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize