Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I CAN MOONWALK!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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