i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
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So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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