My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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