Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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