So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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