Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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