im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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