You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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