the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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