i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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