So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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