His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize