i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
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He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
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I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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