This girl is more easily done than said...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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