that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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