btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
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The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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