He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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