I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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