Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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