am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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