I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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