Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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