Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
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Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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