If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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