Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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