I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize