So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
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Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize