we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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