Ketchup is God's man juice
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
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I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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