i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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