My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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